It’s hard to believe that less than 10-years-ago I was a child-free working ‘single lady.’ Today, as a mom of 3 young children, it seems like that person, the one I spent most of my life being, is someone else. For the good and the bad, I don’t know myself as a “non-mom”. I have even found too many situations in which I introduce myself as “Dean’s mom” and forget to use my actual name – let alone how naturally I answer to “Dean’s mom” when called that.
But the stress of trying to balance everything has been a constant struggle, and I find myself wondering when and if it gets easier – and maybe I am waiting for things to change around me when what I should actually be doing is changing myself and the way I handle things. When you are balancing so much stuff, prioritizing is a must – but when I go through “the list”, everything is super important…
Between making sure that the kids have done all their homework, are eating nutritious meals, are clean, well-rested, handling their schedules, being connected and knowing what’s going on in their lives; and trying to launch and run a business that needs 24/7 attention as well – oh yeah, and the dog who needs to be walked and husband who wants some TLC too, how can it all be done? I want to give 150% to every single part of my life, they are all important – super important – and I would not want to lose any of them or let anything fall by the wayside.
But it’s impossible and I find myself feeling like I am running on a hamster wheel at full speed with no sign of when I can stop without everything falling apart.
I will admit that I think a lot about my own mother today as a mom myself, and while I always thought I appreciated her, I never appreciated her as much as I do now. I even find myself sometimes wondering (okay, fantasizing) about what life might be like with a sister wife to share the load.
And the joke is that I am one of the lucky ones! I am completely in awe of the single moms who TRULY do it ALL on their own – I can’t even begin to understand how you can be the sole breadwinner while raising kids all by yourself. Or mothers dealing with physical or mental illnesses while also remaining the rock of the family – how?
I salute you,
I am in awe of you,
you are super human.
And I have no doubt that you feel like smacking me hard as you read my whining – and I get it – but that is not the point. There is always someone that has it harder and worse, someone juggling the same things you are just minus a hand and a leg.
I don’t know if I am alone here, but judgements of others has never been my problem – I have never been one to worry about “mom-shaming” or what anyone else might think; because the standards and judgement I put on myself are as high as they can be – I am my worst critic.
But something has got to give, and sometimes we all just need to be able to stop, breathe, give the kids a screen, turn off the computer and take a moment. Because with all the things that we as moms take care of and find super important, if we lose our health and/or sanity along the way then all of a sudden the cleanliness and home-cooked meals won’t mean anything to anyone.
So for this mother’s day, I want to say thank you to ALL the moms who are struggling and trying every single day to be amazing – and dare I say it, kicking ass – even if you don’t recognize that you are.
And for this mother’s day and for the rest of the days of the year as well, please, for all of our sakes, let’s remember to breathe, to stop and smell the roses, to not waste time judging ourselves (or others) and to take advantage of the moments and few things we have in our arsenal that can make our lives that much easier – without feeling guilty about it! Let’s give ourselves a break, because that is really what every mother really needs.